Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
