I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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