You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
