I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
