I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Please don't give away my fajitas
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