oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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