I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
