I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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