Where is the hickey?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
