he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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