Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
