Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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