I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I puked a lego.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize