do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
