I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
