Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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