It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
