She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
