Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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