I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
