i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Where is the hickey?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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