i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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