Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
