Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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