I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
