why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
