Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My penis needs a shock collar
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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