i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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