Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
