every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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