He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
