I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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