no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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