My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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