I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
