you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
