Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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