Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
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there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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