were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
