Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
