Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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