I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
