Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
