peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
