It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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