She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
why does every cop we meet know your name?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
