can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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