I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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