I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
