I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
