The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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