My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
