God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
