hotel room ftw
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
bring money and cleavage
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
