My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
