I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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