I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
