Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
