Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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