hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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