Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
