hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
