I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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