My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
