I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
