I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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