TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
