Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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