Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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