I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
