remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
