brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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