Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
