I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
