I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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