She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
