Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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