Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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