About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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