she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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