I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
